The Hard Truth!

The first time I heard that expression was in a coach training class I attended almost 10 years ago. It was being used to describe a coaching skill to the class with little ole me as the example! The teacher sensed that this skill was a challenge for me to use. He hit the nail on the head with that one. Paradoxically though telling the truth was a high value of mine I also had fear of conflict, which often got in the way of full truth telling on my part. In situations of high emotion I had a habit of fudging a bit on the truth. Soft soaping, watering down, glossing over are all terms that come to mind when I think back on the way I used to avoid speaking the hard truth to others as well as myself.

I have learned over the last 10 years in my work as a coach and my personal life, that it is this particular kind of truth that is most likely to be at the core of what is blocking us from our highest good. It is also, this kind of truth that is most likely to set us free when it is known and accepted.

What is the hard truth exactly? For me it is a truth that is hard to see, hard to accept, hard to deny once known. It is a truth that is usually at the core of our not getting the results we desire in our lives. The hardest aspect of this kind of truth can be seeing how long a limited belief and sabotaging behavior has been working against us.

When we see a hard truth about ourselves we are forced to accept responsibility for creating trouble for ourselves. Yikes…that can be super hard to do.

There is nothing more freeing however once you get past the shock and shame of it.

I have come to appreciate and use often the skill of telling the hard truth in my work with clients. I have seen the transformation that happens and know that it is a rare event in our lives to have someone willing to risk the wrath that can come when a well-hidden truth is poked and prodded into the light.

The positive results of knowing the hard truth became apparent to me in a new way last week in the Relationship Alchemy Coaching Circle conversations. Having focused on the truth for the month of August we were reaping the benefits that truth telling offers. I noticed that many of the women were getting down to some core beliefs that had been limiting them. There is a certain sound or vibration felt when a hard truth is named. It feels like a …CLUNK!

When I am on the phone with someone it is palatable. In person there is a look people get that is a kind of “deer in the headlights” look, with the deer in this case being a startling new awareness of themselves.

My challenge to you this week is to take a look at your life and see if there is an area that is not working the way you would like. Pay attention to how you feel when you think about this. Do you get a knot in your stomach? Does your thinking get kind of fuzzy? Do you suddenly feel drained? If so you have most likely hit on something that could use a good dose of hard truth telling!

Ask yourself. If I were willing to see clearly what would a possible hard truth be in this area? Take a note from last weeks message and PLAY with this. Soft focus on the question and see what comes to the surface. It may take a minute it might take a week but eventually you will see a hard truth. The benefit of knowing a truth is being set free. The best thing about knowing a Hard Truth is the feeling of being set WAY free!


About Kat Knecht

Kat Knecht is a relationship coach. Visti her website at For Information on The Art and Science of Romance six week course please visit us at or more information please write or call today. or call 805-804-6282

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